everything just seems to be going downhill, studies, relation with parents, mentally tired, but who to tell? who to share? whatever i say or do, they don't seems to change the situation, my hardwork, no one sees it, everyone are just looking at me with that stupid impression, no one believes that i put in effort for something. i'm working hard to change every wrong in my life, but no matter what i do, how much i've done, it just stays the same. i cried when i arguing with dad, not because he reprimanded me, its because i don't have his trust. he speaks with disbelief in me, i felt very hurt, but who knows about this? who understands? i'm lacking family warmth, no one knows, that thinking of mine, its coming again, maybe this time, i should really follow it, like what i said to myself before. let everything die, including me.

love is like fireworks, pretty, colorful, amazing at its first sight, but after a few seconds, everything changes. everything will return to normal, return to that dull black sky. i think love is exactly the same as this, wonderful initially, bitter towards the end. feelings for someone are also like fireworks, come and go really fast. how i wished that firework would stay, i'm just sick and tired of the current situation, tired and worn out. don't tell me you know how i feel, cause you don't, i'm sure of it, you're not me, you won't understand how it really feels.

yea just like that picture, i can't be an perfect heart because of the crack, just like in our life, somethings will never be the same as before, people do change, after this and that, we change. i understand we cannot force stuffs to be the way we want it to, so, yea, sometimes we have to force ourselves to the choice we hate most. nevermind, this will be a lesson for me, i hope i learn from this, i've gone through 3 years without it, another 3 years wont be a problem, i believe it wont be (:

i guess everything does change huh? no matter from good to bad, or the other way round. i believe changes do have impact, good or bad, for you to decide. everything around me started to change, no matter in what area, i feel the changes, most of them are bad ones, i dislike the changes i am experiencing now, makes me feel insecure, anytime things would change again. i wish things stay at it is, i would be able to adapt to the bad things around me, and enjoy the good ones. so stop changing, will you?

wished i had one, but sadly i don't. life's a bitch to make me come to this family. so cold, and not a single love felt for the whole of 18 years in my entire life. problem arise, its always me who solve it, who to take the blame? without a doubt its me, its always been like this. every single of you in this family are responsible of who i am now, fakers, that is the word to describe all 3 of you. one day I'll end my life, don't doubt, it would be because of you 3.

Caught this movie with Mingyuan and Desmond, its nice, enjoyed the movie (: before movie was at 515 with cliques, just chatting and crapping, after the movie headed back to 515 to join them, more talking and gossips. Walked home with Cherie and Dickson, but decided to go find Mingyuan and Desmond instead since we have nothing to do, we chatted, and headed home at around 7.40am, slept at around 8am and just woke up, it was nice day yesterday, i like it (: awwww crap, its monday again tomorrow ):