ahhhhhhhhh, hair's color faded already, now its more to blonde. Second week of school, can feel the stress in me now, modules are getting tougher and tougher, and i just get more and more blur about it, i need to buck up already! oh, and i have an interesting new nickname call car-si, invented by jiaxuan, third week of school is coming, sigh!

At malaysia currently, nothing to do at alllllllll ): itouch died on me, out of battery, no phone signals here, forgot to bring my lappy over here, totally no entertainment. gonna get my hair cut and dyed tomorrow, hope it turns out good (: nothing to blog about alr, shall blog after tmr then, bye!

Lesson ended at around 5pm today, went to GLOW after class, was so-so, head over to have dinner at macs with binni and shirly, then to 515 and slacked. Reached home not long ago, gonna go rest soon! haha! bye~

Even something who is not suppose to shed tears do shed them. Human can shed tears for many reasons, but how many of the reasons are positive ones? People say, for a guy to shed tear is extremely rare, and when a guy tears, it symbols weakness. Why must people see it that way? Guys are also human, they have the right to tear too, and i don't think a guy who tear is weak, instead they are strong, they are strong enough to face their true emotions. 10am class tomorrow, but gonna go school early to submit bursary stuffs. going offline now. bye!

People always say, rainbows comes after rain. But not my case, i have never seen the rainbow i expect after a rain. Just hope that one day, i will see a true beautiful one, i believe its worth the wait ♥ gonna prove those who don't believe in me wrong, i will and can make it, i have faith in myself. School today was boring, pretty tired, tomorrow will be a long day too, hope its not as boring. Looking forward to Tuesdays, I&E! fun group brings motivation and enthusiasm towards the module! alright, 2am now, gonna head for my lalaland, bye!

Always had been this case, nothing special about being alone though. Cause i am used to it already. School stared, not really wonderful, but I&E today was great, enthusiastic group, we just kept on discussing and discussing. Went back home after balling with leroy and co. Thoughts starts to come to me when i am alone. Gonna turn in soon, school at 8am and meeting brenda to take shuttle bus together, bye people (:

Enjoyed the night out with you guys, its always awesome with you guys around, though im still feeling down, or rather worst, but still, thank you (: rebel was so-so that night, had scotch whiskey outside before we went in, was in the mood after we finished it, sever hangover after that night though. Well, school resumes, so i better go sleep now, bye!

Did nothing much today, fishing session was canceled due to rain, so went running about in the estate. Chilled over at the usual place, had some thoughts too. One step at a time, someone told me this, true, maybe i should really follow it (: decided upon something, shall keep it to myself, quite an important decision to me, but might be insignificant to others. Hope life after this week will be better, hopefully.

Life ain't good for me recently, really hope it gets better. Sleepless nights and those thinking, whats got into me? Helplessly falling deeper and deeper, but what to do? This is me, i am always like this. Trying to hold myself back, trying to get a grip of myself, trying. I understand friends are there for me, but sometimes, it doesn't help, not even a single bit. I see myself, behaving this way for the next few years, not joking, i really will. And i realized, i am not as strong as what i think i am, i am far more fragile then i can ever imagine, i always thought i will be ready for everything, but i am wrong, very very wrong.

At least her tears are colorful, mine are not even in black and white, for quite some time, i have been letting emotions get the better of me, i don't wanna be like this, but i can't help it. I wanna change the current situation, but there is really nothing else i can do, i need advice, i need suggestions, i need help, i need a shoulder, i need a pair of listening ear, and i need care. I keep telling myself, its just the start of the year, things will go better as days goes by, but its not. I spend the whole of last night, smoking the hell out of me, gastric rejection decide to join in the fun in making matter worst, i had the worst night of my life. I kind of like how life use to be when i was a kid, carefree and happy, but reality is, time ain't rewinding back. School's starting in few days time, hectic and busy life ahead, shall take this opportunity to temporarily get a grip of myself, losing myself is seriously horrible. I said i am willing to wait, i do, i meant everything i said, but people just doubt what i said. Lost, alone, this is what i am feeling now, day in day out, negative thoughts running through me, its a habit of mine, since young, always like this. Starting to lose confidence on myself, i don't know why. Tired of life, maybe? Ending it might be a wise choice. But for now, i am still on a slightly positive side, lets hope this continues.

Time check, 5.53am, don't know why i just can't go to sleep, well, so i decided to update my blog (: reached home not long ago, went thomson for prata and then to sembawang beach for a short chat with friends, kinda nice to have this kind of sessions, makes me feel very relaxed. Had been thinking lately, school's starting, i should really meet up those best friends whom i did not meet up for some time, you people, please be free! well, nothing much already, shall end here.

To myself : Don't back out, give it all you've got.