At least her tears are colorful, mine are not even in black and white, for quite some time, i have been letting emotions get the better of me, i don't wanna be like this, but i can't help it. I wanna change the current situation, but there is really nothing else i can do, i need advice, i need suggestions, i need help, i need a shoulder, i need a pair of listening ear, and i need care. I keep telling myself, its just the start of the year, things will go better as days goes by, but its not. I spend the whole of last night, smoking the hell out of me, gastric rejection decide to join in the fun in making matter worst, i had the worst night of my life. I kind of like how life use to be when i was a kid, carefree and happy, but reality is, time ain't rewinding back. School's starting in few days time, hectic and busy life ahead, shall take this opportunity to temporarily get a grip of myself, losing myself is seriously horrible. I said i am willing to wait, i do, i meant everything i said, but people just doubt what i said. Lost, alone, this is what i am feeling now, day in day out, negative thoughts running through me, its a habit of mine, since young, always like this. Starting to lose confidence on myself, i don't know why. Tired of life, maybe? Ending it might be a wise choice. But for now, i am still on a slightly positive side, lets hope this continues.