C A A S I

Things get better as days goes by they say. But why haven't things get better for me? For almost half of my life I've been strong, like really independent as well as self reliant. Why can't i do the same this time round? Like really pick myself up no matter how broken i am, no matter how torn and tattered i am. I used to be able to put up a strong front infront of everyone, showing them my strong side as well as the jovial side. Sure, i do rant on social media, but that is nothing compared to the overwhelming thoughts in my mind. To make it worst, nights like this makes it so much more unbearable. For once in my life, i finally shed down my ego infront of someone, confess all that I've been going through, my struggles, my woes, my everything. I never knew how much ego would affect my life, and here i am, learning it through the hard way. I suppose this is how things should be, or probably how karma works. I've let a few relationship down, refuse to give in, being delusional and telling myself to have that "never go back" principle, guess this is my karma after all. I really wanted this relationship to last, and i really love her. I couldn't find better words to describe this, but i really want this to go all the way. I tore myself down, letting everything inside come out, because i want to change, i don't want to be stubborn anymore. I really don't know how to bring this message across but, yes, i'm doing this for myself, my life, yet, the reason why i am doing this in the first place is because i wanna make, or hope to make everything right. I've been doing more wrongs than rights, taking things for granted more than giving in or compromising, so now, i want things to change. I know it's time to tear down my walls that I've been building for half of my life. It's not a easy thing for me, but i'm doing it, i really am. Vulnerable, weak, pathetic it may seems, but, for once i'm really glad i'm able to let everything out and let it loose. Thing might not get better in the end, and I've only got myself to blame. My realization, came too late, and i might lose something that is so special to me. Though I've only started this journey called life, but i'm convinced, she's the one for me, not because she managed to tear my down, but because i felt genuinely happy, pure blissfulness when i'm with her. I have never realized how much i could give to someone until now, and if this is not the one true love in a person's life, i guess i'll never get to experience true love anymore. This is how things works, sometimes, things are good for you, and other times, they are not. I've no right to complain because ultimately i caused this, and i can only try my best to salvage this, I tried, i really did. I'm still thinking of what i can do to make everything become better, because i'm determined she's the one i wanna walk down the aisle with. Some may say it's too early to determine such stuff, when i still have such a long walk of life ahead of me. All i can say is, you'll know when it comes around, it sweeps you off your feet without you knowing, makes you wanna change for the better, and the selflessness you feel in a relationship, words cannot describe them. True enough, though i feel that she's the one for me, but she might not be the one that stays in my life. But having this feeling once it's enough, honestly. In future, i might meet many others, partners with better qualities, suits me better in terms of character and personality or even the one that stays in my life. Yet, i'm so sure and convinced, she'll have a place in my heart forever, that special place, which only she will get to hold. Never will i forget the things we do, things we had together, the smiles we shared, the love we had, and this relationship. Deep down, i hope things get better, and hope for a fairytale ending, but that is the only thing i can do. Helpless, yes, but still i wish. i love you, j.

tired of all these, everything just came to me at once. i hate to get doubted and also hate to be taken lightly. if i've been giving everything i've got, why can't i get the same back. so morally down right now. so much problem and so much difficulties i have to face. gonna just leave everything as it is, because i don't have the strength anymore, i'm no longer capable of moving on.

it wasn't easy to make that decision, it wasn't easy for me to handle and bear all these. but i know clearly i cannot be selfish. it really hurts when i told you to leave, but you just don't seems to know that im hurting. i guess its still the best if i bear the wrongs, bear the faults, and bear the blames, it should be this way. i never wanted to treat you coldly, i swear, but i just have to. i don't wanna keep giving you false hope, keep giving any wrong intentions. so many times i wanted to tell you, stay, please, but i can't, because i was the one who asked you to leave. i guess you feel that i no longer love you anymore, and im just finding excuses or reasons to push you away, but that's not really the fact... no point explaining anymore, doesn't make a difference at all now. so many things i wish i could tell you, but yet its all choked at my mouth... i guess this is how it is, all along, me being alone, me being single, i guess that's the best for me. i just hope one day, you would really understand my difficulties, and how much it hurts when i see you go because it was me who told you to, how much i wanted you but yet i pushed you away. my life is in a major mess, and bringing you into it is just plain selfish, be happy, that's the only thing i want you to be.

im sorry i came into you life, walk into your heart, and leave the next second.

im sorry i messed up your life, leaving it a mess without any rights.

im sorry i broke the trust and love you gave me.

im sorry i can't express how i feel even till now.

im sorry i can't fulfill the promises i made.

sorry, sillygirl.

life's been going up and down, one moment i can be happy, and the other moment being sad. tired, really really tired, by fyp, killing me totally. seems like there is never ending work to do, and no matter how hard i try, its just not enough. really need someone there for me, whenever im tired, someone for me to lean on, when im down, someone to just listen to me, im a human after all, i need to channel my emotions out.

Have you?

not an emo post, just a sudden thought, not lingering in the past anymore, just curious.

reached out to you, but all i get is a shove in my shoulder.

shouldn't have cared so much, causing me to suffer now.

Cherish;

Hello! Haven't been blogging lately, partially tired and busy, but more of lazy! HAHA! well, school just reopen-ed, got back commontest results, not really satisfied but overall its still acceptable (: well, 2010 just ended, learned alot in that year, met alot of new people, lost close friends, but well, i guess life just needs to go on, nothing will ever stop for you, so we just have to face reality and move on. 2011 will be a stressful year i guess, year 3 and stuffs, gonna put most of my focus on studies, others can wait! well, this is just gonna be a short post, promise to blog again soon, BYE! ANNEYEONG!

i'm better now, smiling more and more. I hope one day we would return to before, talk like

no tomorrow, be the best of friends, and that will be great, i'll always be there for you, a call/text away,

promise to be there when you need me! (:

Isaac Neo
11 Sept 1991
24
Ex-wrps student
Ex-wgs student
Ex NgeeAnnPoly, MTE
NTU, ME

Facebook

Ugly,
Nerdy,
Weak,
Stupid,
Thats me,i shall live with it.

I dislike the way i am behaving, but i can't help it,
I wish to numb my feelings, but i can't
I wanna be a somebody one day, hoping for it.

-~~O'Levels L1R4 15~~14 (;
-~~forget about iqeelnylek~~
-more friends !
-her(;
-a better life
-~~1first electric guitar~~

Music Playlist at MixPod.com